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Subject: the universe
Dear Vyna,
after giving the matter a bit of thought, he decided that he didn't understand the difference between marriage and sex; hence, his muddled attempts at expression. He overlooked that these subjects do not long to be expressed. To suppose otherwise would be to muse over Fourier Transforms and dispensing with elementary calculus [these are not unrelated areas within mathematics].
If she is annoyed at his convoluted way of expressing a thought so simple, recall that he has no appreciation for art in and of itself. In fact, mastery of directness now compels him, that is to say, he compels you, to pay a visit to the universe.
C:\> cd windows
C:\WINDOWS> telnet intermix.engr.arizona.edu
Login: inktar
Password: ********
$ cd programs
/home/users/inktar/programs/
$ ls -F
vce* vce.cc universe.o universe.cc
readme.txt vyna.o vyna.cc
$ g++ -g -o universe unierse.o vyna.o
file could not be opened: unierse.o
$ g++ -g -o universe universe.o vyna.o
$ universe
Whether you deem teleporting possible or whether you think it more likely that you were drugged and brought to another place in your sleep, only you can know. All you know is that you wake up in a different place and the first thing that you notice is that everything is white. The clothes you are wearing, though identical to what you had been wearing outside of the universe, are white as well. The whole room is white and it's a pretty big room, too. It seems to be a perfect sphere, 10 meters in diameter, with no doors, but one hole that is almost directly above you. It is comfortably warm, it doesn't smell of anything, there is no breeze, no sound,... You have no objects with you save your clothes.
The place gives you the strange feeling of just being there. You wait for some moments and the feeling does not subside. The place is still as real as it was before. Here you are, you think, and you can do anything. What will you do? What do you think?
Date: Mon, 24 Feb 1997 01:13:18 +0800 (SST)
Subject: je ne comprends pas?
Inktar,
If you're expecting an answer on the mail on 'the universe', then I'm so sorry, but you're in for a disappointment, I'm afraid. I thought about giving you an answer, but I read it through, and it was so slip shod, I decided not to send it because I think it's not justified. The part before you went on about the white room, was it a file to to be opened? I think not, right? Look, I'm sorry if this mail didn't live up to your expectations of me. If you're frustrated that I didn't follow through to what was expected, then I apologise. I cannot ascertain what exactly you were trying to convey in the mail entitled 'the universe'. Ah yes, you do have this mildly :) irritating habit of expressing things in a complicated way, but I'm used to that, I think. I'm not even sure why you were so pissed at me in your previous mail. All I can say is that you fail to understand the difference in the values of the West and the East.
I'm not sure if you would like to know about what's been going on in my life, but nevertheless, since I'm so thick-skinned anyway, I thought maybe you'd like to know? I'm in a new college now. I'm involved in hockey and touch rugby, and I come home shacked at 10pm on some days. On the acedemic side, I've lost interest in it. I haven't been attending tutorials, skipping lectures, and completing assignments...that kind of thing. Not exactly a model student, eh? My 'O' Level results will be released anytime next week, and I'm dead worried. I don't know if I can stay in the junior college I'm presently at. I don't want to face all the accusing faces or the disappointed ones...I'm hoping for the best, but as the saying goes, you reap what you sow. Oh, INktar...*heaves a sigh* I don't know what I'm going to do...all of my friends are worrying about the same thing. I listen to all they have to say, their worries, I really don't wish to pile up my worries on top of theirs. I have no avenue to channel my worries, and it comes back to me at night when I can't sleep. I feel so scared, I feel so alone. Been thinking of God...for the first time in a long while...it's comforting just to believe...the weakness of a human being, I guess, to rely on a higher being...
I went to the U of Arizona homepage around last year after we stopped corresponding. A friend of mine is thinking of either going there or Boston U, so we went to the homepages. I saw the student's profile, and I clicked on yours. You were touting the iceview as a religion now?
I'd like a lot of questions answered, but I doubt they matter now. I was just remembering how you said that time hold no relevance to you? I can't remember your exact quote, but now I'm thinking...Excruciating as it is, I just wish time will just stand still, I don't want to face tomorrow...ah, but what's the use?
--%-@
Vyna
Subject: I didn't mean it that way.
Vyna,
You can't possibly annoy me in simply telling me what you think and feel. I probably understand the meaning of your mails as little as you do mine. For example, what is a slip shod? What does it mean for a response not to be justified?
> but you're in for a disappointment, I'm afraid. I thought about giving you an > answer, but I read it through, and it was so slip shod, I decided not to send > it because I think it's not justified. The part before you went on about the > white room, was it a file to to be opened?
It was an executable file that was just compiled. In other words, the universe was a program that was being run on a computer.
It is hardly you who should apologize to me. The other way around is more like it. I change my mind every day. I cannot organize my ideas into the single framework which is doctrine. When I am 40, you'll see that I will have eliminated many superfluous ideas, writing tactics, and similar that presently make my writing appear esoteric.
> even sure why you were so pissed at me in your previous mail.
I kept changing my mind.
> All I can say is that you fail to understand the difference in the values of the West and the > East.
Is there hope for me, Vyna? Could you try to teach me? Can I be your student?
> but nevertheless, since I'm so thick-skinned anyway, I thought maybe you'd like
What does it mean here for you to be thick-skinned? It sounds very much like "tough", "hardy", "difficult to affect emotionally",...
> I'm in a new college now.
Does that college happen to bear the name of the original founder of Singapore in 1872 (or whatever it was).
> I'd like a lot of questions answered, but I doubt they matter now. I was just > remembering how you said that time hold no relevance to you?
I may have stated something about the present being insignificant.
> I can't remember > your exact quote, but now I'm thinking...Excruciating as it is, I just wish > time will just stand still, I don't want to face tomorrow...ah, but what's the > use?
This does not sound remotely like a thought of IV. He would not claim that the passage of time is excruciating (perhaps in his ancient logs he did; who knows what he driveled about in there--only you do, actually). He wouldn't "wish" for scientific laws to change, although he believes it possible in the far future. "I don't want to face tomorrow..." sounds like a person who doesn't believe in the future. IV is about futurism, the conviction that perfection can and will be achieved under its strategy. Finally, "ah, but what's the use?" sounds like the philosophy that all is pointless in life. It does not matter whether you do one thing or something else (and this very philosophy lies at the heart of what *the universe* would have been about; so if you ever decide to reply, even in 10 years, I'll will be glad to hear it).
One thing I'd like to know is who is on your side? Why is the world organized in such a way that you have to feel that all (all that has power in any case) is against you? Or else, if you had something strong on your side, could you possibly feel scared of anything? Is it an inevitable weakness you have, or could things not turn out to be far different from what they appear bound to be?
I also would like to ask you for your opinion on, well, a matter I have been trying to sort out lately. This is regarding the meaning of marriage. You see, there is only one person at the present time that has impressed me by his insight in this matter (although I won't tell you the name of that person). In any case, he writes,
"Marriage also cannot be an end in itself, but has to serve the one greater aim, the propagation and preservation of the species and race. Only this is its meaning and its task."
I am just beginning to understand the importance of race now; maybe it has something to do with why I can't see the difference between East and West despite the fact that I carry the blood of both peoples. I suppose it is about time for me to grow up and face reality...what do you think?
IV
Subject: It's okay.
INktar,
I guess apologies are in order because I've been using colloquials, expressions which are familiar only with Singaporeans. Hmm...slip shod, it means shoddily done. What I meant to say by "a response not to be justified?" was that my response is too crappy to be read, and I should spare you the trouble of reading it. Guess I put it in a confusing way. Do ask if you're not clear, we wouldn't want another misunderstanding crisis to break out again, do we? Difference in values between the East and the West? I can only give you a superficial answer for this, you have to experience this yourself. Why not? Since you can get free trips, take the opportunity. Singapore is pretty westernized, it's not a good example. Give me an area in which you want me to illustrate my point. Basically, it's just that we tend to be more conservative compared to the Westerners. Lots of things are left unwritten, unspoken rules. Give me time to think about this, and I'll get back to you. I'm not the best person to guide you on this, by the way, remember how my Dad always complains about me being too influenced by Western ideas? I'll try my best to, though. "Thick-skinned"....another colloquial, I think. I don't know how to explain this. It means something like, you're not easily ruffled. The same act would embarrass another person, but since you're so thick-skinned, you won't be. Yes, I'm in Raffles Junior College, but I might not be able to study there any longer if my 'O' Levels results are not satisfactory. I hate that place, the facilities are a big joke, you have a lot of pretenders there, it's a rat race...but my friends are there, I really don't want to go anywhere else. And I wanna play hockey for RJC, I really do.
By saying I don't want to face tomorrow, I was saying I'm not ready to receive my 'O' Level results yet. It's today, by the way, at 2pm. I have about 5 hours till then. I'm so scared, but I don't to cry anymore, my eyes are already swollen, the whole family doesn't want to aggravate me (even my Dad didn't make much fuss about me returning at 1am last night. Stayed out so I wouldn't have to come home and think about the bloody 'O's...but fuck, I woke up at 3am, and couldn't sleep again), they stayed away. I think I was bawling away in the room. What's the use, right? Why cry over split milk? It doesn't make you feel any better, neither can it help to change what's already printed on the 'O' Levels certificate. Last night, my friends and I were crying and hugging each other since the world is going to end tomorrow, wishing one another good luck, my e-mail is swamped with good luck wishes, but what's the use? It won't change anything. I never studied for my 'O' Levels, did you know that? I stopped studying after my prelims, I'm sick of studying. God, if I had a chance I would have done it all differently. I am so scared, so, so scared.
I'm so sorry, but I'll reply your question on marriage another time that's convenient. I promised to meet my friends later before the handling out of the results, we're going to just walk about the area, so I'd better get ready now. We can cry together now, but when it's over, I'll be crying alone...
--%-@
Vyna
Date: Sat, 1 Mar 1997 18:06:27 -0700 (MST)
Subject: Vyna, Vyna, I want to know, I want to know.
So how were your results? Do the results in any way affect how much you want *it*? I still had a heck of a lot more questions regarding that, so hold on.
If you had *it*, would you probably be more interested in academics? Does your interest in hockey have anything to do with it?
Would *it* have made you less scared of the exam results than you were?
(I may have asked similar questions before, but due to limited disk space--1 MB max for this account--I can't research the old questions; in fact, when you sent me that 1.5MB picture, I forwarded it to my sister to tell me what it is, since I couldn't download it to my account and it was a cute mouse family, she told me.)
So once you have *it*, can it be taken away again? Can one have it multiple times, what is the earliest age at which one can have *it*?
How old were you when you first wanted *it* and do you think you might ever change your mind about it? Would the average person change her mind about it? Are you more likely than the average person to change you mind about it?
Was *it* more popular during the Renaissance, the Dark Ages, or the Age of Reason?
So can I see your "crappy" response? If not, why not? What's wrong? I want to know.
Don't tell me you don't know why I came up with the universe thought experiment. I want to know how it relates to *it*; I want to know, whether if you were alone in that white room, it would still matter.
Let's take a different approach, since you obviously don't seem to be willing to tell me anything.
Regarding values of the East and the West, it must be the case that you said I didn't understand them for a particular reason. Yet if we assume this to be the case, and I do, then it follows that you don't want to directly tell me what it is that you think I don't understand.
For if you did want to directly tell me what it is, then you would have told me, which you didn't, so that's where we are. Maybe that's part of it. You are in part implying, that in the East you simply don't just say everything so directly because that would make you appear confrontive, vulgar, and it would appear that you lack the qualities of modesty, humility, and self-restraint. So you can't just say what you meant when you said that I don't understand the difference between the East and the West because doing so would violate the very principle that I don't understand.
In other words, there was something, (and this something I don't yet know, or perhaps will never know with more certainty than I do now) that you did or said (or perhaps didn't do or didn't say) that I didn't understand. I didn't understand it because you were acting on the Eastern principle of conservativity/conservativeness. Because I didn't understand you said I didn't understand the difference between values of the West and the East.
Now I stopped writing to you because (1) you didn't want to tell me what *it* was and (2) you didn't want to see me, which would again have allowed me to acquire further clues as to what *it* is. You might be telling me now, that these are not good reasons to stop writing to you because it is completely ridicuous in the East to agree to these things so easily. Hence, I don't understand the difference between the East and the West. This is what was to be shown.
I'd like to know, too, if, according to your Eastern values, you can't tell me if what I said is right or wrong because it would violate the conservativity (sorry, I don't have a dictionary around) principle.
So are you a pretty good hockey player? How long have you been playing it? Is it fun to play or does the competitive aspect appeal to you, since you said you wanted to play for RJC's team?
I've begun writing a manuscript called *The Student* for a week now, and it's supposed to be about how to be a good student. Other than that, everything is still the same as it was before I last wrote to you.
IV
Looking back at a message from long ago...
Date: Fri, 8 Nov 1996 12:11:35 +0800 (SST)
Subject: I miss you.
Invisible Man -------------
Wake up this morning with a funny feeling Wasn^Òt really sure what it was all about But it felt like I was disappearing So I went to the mirror to check it out
I said, "Here I am, here I am, here I am ^Åbut why do I feel like the invisible man?"
I stumbled back into the bedroom and stared at the rising sun Then I heard myself shout out of the window not really talking to anyone I yelled, "Here I am, here I am, here I am ^Åbut why do I feel like an invisible man?"
Lights went out, people started yelling "Will the crazy man go back to bed?" And there I was, laughing out of my window Feeling much better now, somebody heard what I said
Well, it^Òs a big thing, no revelation No answer to the lives we lead But I think we do know one thing
Sometimes we all need to say "Here I am, here I am, here I am," When life makes us feel like an invisible man.
J.K
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Guten Tag,
Inktar, well actually I wanted to give you another piece that I like, but I thought I'd share this one with you. I like it more, it says a lot sometimes. I wonder how you're getting along now. I wonder if you trash all my mails. I would have been so sad. *sobs* Nah, I would have KILLED you!! Just felt compelled to write to you.
Well, plenty much have happened since you last wrote. My feud with my family intensified. I feel like moving out, but I doubt I can handle it. Found out a lot of things that go on in the house just now. See, I was massaging my great-grandma, and then she opened up to me. I realised that if my Ma didn't love me, it's not my fault. I'm quite sad at the revelation, but then again, Ma has never been there for me, and for 16 years I lived with that. I feel like confronting her, but I don't think I can take the pressure anymore, everything is coming in one avalanche, and I don't think I have enough strength to handle it all, especially during my exams. I wish my grandma hadn't told me anything.
Yesterday, my brother used the addresses in my e-mail address book to send this chain letter he cooked up. I was furious, because I checked my mail at 3 in the morning...I nearly wanted to kick his ass out of bed! I don't know what he's up to. I installed a password, I hope that keeps his prying fingers away. Then again, I guess I over-reacted. Maybe he was just being mischievious like my dad said, but he can jolly well be mischievious with his own friends. There's no need to use MY NAME to send a stupid prank like that to people in MY address book. If you get a file attachment called surprise, which says "your computer is doomed", just trash it. Irritating 13 year olds. All MY attachment files are gone too. Guess who's at work?! My exams have been okay so far, because it was only practicals, heh. The theory papers will start next week.
Good news? I dunno...seems like none. A lot of my friends are pursuing their studies in Boston. I'm going to miss them a lot. Just like I'm missing you now. Hmm, I guess I'd better get off the computer now...gotta have my lunch. Oh yeah, did you know I cooked my own breakfast today? Feat of the century!!!! You take care, okay? I'm sincere when I say this. I really miss you, Inktar.
--%-@
Noor.
Subject: Curiosity kills the cat...
Inktar, Inktar, Inktar...*shakes her head* Why the sudden interest in what I want? Nevermind, I'll answer the easy questions first. The results of my exams will be known late February next year. You see, the papers are marked by Cambridge, so I guess the delivery by air and stuff is time-consuming, so that's why the results take a damn long time to reach us. Which is probably good, though, it means I have about 3 months to enjoy myself before I have to face the music. Have you asked about the proy server? Please...I need it desperately. Lately, I've been banned on all three servers. Lots of Singaporeans somehow found out the Princeton proxy, so I have no other alternatives.
>You didn't tell me how long you've wanted it. Ever since I was born, I guess.
>Is the reason why you cannot have it in the form you want because of the way >you are or because of the way others are?
Both.
>Has anybody ever had it in the particular form that you want?
Yes, lots of people.
>How many such distinct forms are there?
Not too sure.
>If one cannot talk of distinct forms in this matter, is the reason why you >want to have in the particular form in which you want it because of a personal >preference, an arbitrary whim, or a solidly grounded reason?
I have a right to have it, at least, I think so.
>Can you imagine changing your mind and not wanting it or perhaps wanting a >different form of it?
At this very moment, I crave for this particular form, and I shall forever. If it comes in other forms, who am I to push it away?
>Approximately what proportion of the population would you estimate have had >it?
Like I said, it's a birthright, so many, many people have it.
>Does this proportion vary geographically or is it the same across all >cultures?
It's the same for all.
>Do more younger people than older people want it/achieve it? What is the >optimal age in each case?
I think as you age, you don't care about it much. No optimal age.
>Does the thing I would have blushed about have anything *at all* to do with >it?
NO!!!!
>Are you sure?
Of course!! Definitely!! Not even remotely!!
>If not, then why would I have had that idea?
What idea?
>Are the intangible thing and the thing I would have blushed about equally >tangible or is one more so than the other?
The thing you would have blushed about was NOT the intangible thing that I was talking about. I read my messages to you, and I realised that it might have given you the wrong idea. It seems that you didn't even think of it that way, so that was quite a relief. Stop talking about the thing that would make you blush (whatever). It's got nothing to do with the intangible thing that I want. Push it out of the picture. I'm so amused, heh heh.
>Since what period in the history of mankind have people wanted it?
It's a birthright, at least to me.
>Is it instinctive for people to want it
Most people would want it, I guess, it depends on each individual.
>or do you have to acquire the desire memetically?
No, not really. I don't know if you've ever longed for it. You never told me much.
>Do you think about the desire every day, once a week,...?
The way you say it, "desire"...oh, yucky pukey...Yeah, I especially want it at this period of time.
>Vyna, would you like to meet me again so I can ask you some more >personal questions about it that I dare not express over e-mail?(*smiles*)
Hey, that's a first!! You've never *smiled* at me before!! *getting excited* Heh heh...this is highly amusing...How about Friday night? About 10:30pm my time. My exams end on Thursday, but I might be too depressed on that day, heh. Isn't e-mail better? What are you talking about, on the Net? But that would make it more public!!
Oh yeah, you must remember to inquire about the proxy server, or else I can't guarantee if I'll be able to get in because those with IP addresses of 203.120.0.2/4/6 or 165.21.115 (like mine, the unfairness of it all!!) always get banned. And I meant it when I said that I won't tell you what it is. It's something that I've always wanted deep inside and I'd hate it if you treat it as something to analyse or something, like what you're doing now. Don't degrade it that way. It's actually something that's so fundamental, and simple to understand, if you know me well enough. I reserve the right to refuse to answer some questions if it gets too penetrating. I'm so amazed at your fervour to know what it is. I think you're nuts, Inktar. *gives a peck on the cheek* Heh.
--%-@
Vyna.
Date: Mon, 14 Oct 1996 18:53:59 +0800 (SST)
Subject: Still confused..
Inktar,
Okay, why do I want to to achieve excellent results in my studies? *ponders* I don't see it as a way to get recognition or admiration from others...Look at it from my point of view, if I do well, just as well, my parents expect it of me. If I don't, well, then, I'm considered a failure. I am EXPECTED to do well in my studies. Yup, if I do well, it would be more of a relief than an achievement. I didn't, Inktar, and I can feel my parent's disappointment...I put on a front, they think I don't care...but I die inside...My parents place a lot of emphasis on studies, that's why the don't allow me to work in case it jeapordises my studies. Singapore is unlike the US, academic excellence will put you in good stead at any stage in your life. I guess ultimately, my parents just want the best for me. I dunno, I shouldn't be too demoralised, right? Not when my 'O' Levels examinations, THE real thing is coming in less than three weeks... Oh god, this fried rice is hot!! I love chilli, you know...I told my great grandma to put lots of it....Ooh!! So hot!! Hold on, I gotta get a glass of water...ooohh! *fanning her tongue* Did I tell you before? This household is made up of an extended family of four generations. Will get back to you, I need another glass of water...
Oh, you mentioned about ***** who likes to do many things at a time...Me too!! I'm fond of that. I don't know if you noticed it before, but I have a rather short attention span..I can never concentrate at one thing for too long...
I still don't understand what is the meaning of memetic, so I can't quite comprehend what is it that you're trying to convey...is that a warning? Are you trying to help me in some way? But what?
Oh, about the 30 year old guy, nope, I've never met him before. He came down to Singapore before for some business deal, hoping we could meet, but I refused to. He lives in Malaysia, I know his address but he doesn't know mine except vaguely where, like I know that you are in Arizona and nothing else...he doesn't press me for information, really...What is that supposed to mean? Is it that he doesn't want to push me or he just doesn't care? I don't want to get further involved than I already am, I know I shouldn't feel this way about him...it's silly...but somehow, I don't take my own advice!! Just as well, I don't take anybody else's either..heh heh...I don't really know his behaviour face to face, but I find him a little bit on the cautious side...he's a little too suspicious of people...I wonder if he does checking up on me? *shrugs* I don't trust him whole-heartedly, but I can't stop liking him...some malfunction in me, eh?
What are you trying to tell me, Inktar, regarding me? Struggling in the memetic competition? Is it unhealthy? Is it the way that most people do things? If I shun this memetic competitiveness, will I be better off? Is it the alternative path towards achieving the same goals?
Now I'm full...I ate a bowl of instant noodles, a tenth of a 3kg birthday cake (left-overs from yesterday), a mango pudding, and a plate of fried rice...I feel sick now...
--%-@
Vyna.
PS Just mail to the **************** addy...there's something wrong with the other one...sorrreeeee for not telling...
Tue Mar 4 10:21:40 1997
Subject: Okay, okay!! part 1
Inktar,
You make me smile sometimes *shakes her head* So we're back at square one again, eh? How's my results? I felt numb after receiving my results. Considering that I didn't really study for the 'O's after my preliminary exams, I'm lucky and should be grateful to scrape away with 10 points. That's one point worse than my prelims results.
Now, I'm not sure if I can stay in RJC science stream, but I'll appeal till I run the principal ragged. I'll be handing in the application form tomorrow, so wish me the best, okay? *smile* Though I know you probably don't believe in wishing good luck. By the way, if one wants to get to a university in US, say, Boston U or NYU, how important are the local exams (in this case, the 'O' Levels)? The SATs and TOEFL scores were above average, for the record. IT? Why are we back at IT? I can't believe that IT is the cause of the whole thing. Okay...here goes...I think you'll be quite pissed to find out IT is nothing special.
>If you had *it*, would you probably be more interested in academics?
No, it doesn't make a difference. >Does your interest in hockey have anything to do with it?
Not at all.
>Would *it* have made you less scared of the exam results than you were?
Nope.
>So once you have *it*, can it be taken away again?
Yes.
>Can one have it multiple times, what is the earliest age at which one can have >*it*?
It's not the number of times, it's the degree how how much one has IT. I thought I said IT's a birthright. At least I thought so.
>How old were you when you first wanted *it*
I've always wanted it, it's just that I realised as I get older, I noticed I have less of IT.
>and do you think you might ever change your mind about it?
I don't think so. But not having IT doesn't bother me much now as compared to last year.
>Would the average person change her mind about it? Are you more likely than >the average person to change you mind about it?
I doubt so. Everyone would want IT, just that maybe the need is different.
>Was *it* more popular during the Renaissance, the Dark Ages, or the Age of >Reason?
IT's a universal thing, thru the ages.
>So can I see your "crappy" response? If not, why not? What's wrong? I want to know.
I wrote the mail, then I deleted it. I've no record of that mail anymore.
>Don't tell me you don't know why I came up with the universe thought >experiment.
NO!!! I don't!! I'm not psychic, dear. I had this idea that you put me in a white room, so there's like, no obstruction, no boundaries, no need to hide anything, come clean...that kind of thing. But tell me the real reason for it, please.
>I want to know how it relates to *it*; I want to know, whether if you were >alone in that white room, it would still matter.
I'm not clear about this question. Putting me in a white room wouldn't matter. It doesn't pertain to IT in any way.
I realised that I've been very immature. At the point of time I kept saying I wanted IT, I was actually comparing my family to others. I'm in a good school, most of my friends have stable families. IT is actually just basically parental love (don't you just wish you hadn't gone thru all the trouble to ask me the questions?). It's embarrassing that my family isn't perfect, that was what I thought last year. I can't believe how shallow and downright self-centred I was. My family has its problems too, I realised, it's just that they don't talk about it. We NEVER air out our problems...everything is always hush-hush. I talked to my aunt about it, and she told me the problems my family was facing. I realised why my Mum is so cold only to me, and my Dad? He's too busy with work, and my younger siblings. I'm the eldest, I should be more responsible, so I should be helping them with my siblings instead of whining. I think I changed a lot at the end of last year. I learnt a lot about the way people are, how to adapt, that kind of thing. But I can't help wishing that when I have problems, my parents are the ones I turn to. I need guidance, but I don't get it from them. I wish I do. You're an independent person, Inktar, you probably don't see what the big deal about this family thingy, but you and I are different.
>Regarding values of the East and the West, it must be the case that you said I >didn't understand them for a particular reason.
Not really. I think the East emphasizes filial piety more than the West. I'm not sure if you understand my so-called obsession with this family thingy. Do you? Usually, a child would take care of his parents when they're old. The parent usually spends his old age with his child, not alone. Putting them in an Old Folks' Home would be the ultimate betrayal, I think. I've been to many Homes. It's pitiful, they all look as if they're just there waiting to die. Some of them are senile, they aren't even aware of the surroundings. Anyway, the other day, my Dad said I've done nothing for him, and he had saved enough money for his old age because he said he didn't expect a person like me to care for him when he's old. It hurts, Inktar. He's implying I don't love him. It's not true.
>For if you did want to directly tell me what it is, then you would have told >me, which you didn't, so that's where we are. Maybe that's part of it. You >are in part implying, that in the East you simply don't just say everything so >directly because that would make you appear confrontive, vulgar, and it would >appear that you lack the qualities of modesty, humility, and self-restraint. >So you can't just say what you meant when you said that I don't understand the >difference between the East and the West because doing so would violate the >very principle that I don't understand.
NAHHHH!!! The values of the East and West have got nothing to do with IT, only loosely, if any at all.
>Now I stopped writing to you because (1) you didn't want to tell me what >*it* was and (2) you didn't want to see me,
Rubbish! I specifically told you the dates I could and could not meet you. Did I in any way imply that I didn't want to see you?! Don't twist my words, INktar.
>tell me if what I said is right or wrong because it would violate the >conservativity (sorry, I don't have a dictionary around) principle.
It's got nothing to do with being conservative. I don't know why I didn't tell you about IT. Seems so stupid now. Not worth all the trouble. About being conservative, that's one thing I'm not. That's why I'm able to accept things easily. I may not emulate it, but I accept it.
>So are you a pretty good hockey player? How long have you been playing >it? Is it fun to play or does the competitive aspect appeal to you, since >you said you wanted to play for RJC's team?
I'm involved in 3 sports in RJC. I dunno why I joined so many, I must be tired of living. Anyway, I'm in cricket, touch rugby and hockey. I'm quitting cricket, and I've been skipping training for touch rugby. Hockey is the one I'm seriously into. I'm an average player, I just started playing it this year. It's the confidence I lack. It's quite fun, but during matches, the juniors get shouted at by the seniors. It's ridiculous, we've only been playing it for about two months, and they expect us to know how to push and hit perfectly?! I don't think I'm attracted to the competitive aspect of it, but getting into the team would be an added bonus. I like hockey because of the tough training. I've never been active in anything, but hockey requires you to give your all. I realised I like being pushed to the maximum, instead of being the sloth I am. It depends, sometimes I get sick of doing 4.5km runs, 100 metres sprints 20 times, gym sessions, and god knows what other physical tortures they come up with.
Am I supposed to ask you why you chose IV instead of ending with tau? And you have not answered my question about why you've been touting the iceview as a religion?
I was looking for the last mail you sent me before we stopped corresponding. I can't find it. I think I found it so offending, I trashed it. Anyway, what THE HELL was it all about? What's your problem, Inktar? What was that again about your impressive penis that I'll get to see one day?! I didn't deserve that crappy mail, you know I didn't. If I don't like cybersex, does it make me a bitch? Duh?! Anyway, I realised you were right, I was shallow. Once again, I got a little wiser. *rolls here eyes* Guys are all the same, the difference is how they manage to hold it back. Am I right?
--%-@
Vyna
Subject: Re: 3.3.97 (mail re-sent)
Vyna,
He received all your messages (five including the reminder) and now replies to the only one that contained everything the other 3 mails contained.
You are on an SR status, which is to say that no one receives more bandwidth (= attention, processing time) than you from him over e-mail. If he stops writing you, he'll guarantee it explicitly. You were the only one to whom he ever broke a guarantee and if he ever brakes another guarantee he won't hesitate to start over again because the most one can do in terms of guarantees is rely on the certainty of holding them in past experience. His guarantees are becoming more and more rigid and it is only a matter of time when they can no longer be broken.
> Boston U or NYU, how important are the local exams (in this case, the 'O' > Levels)? The SATs and TOEFL scores were above average, for the record.
He doesn't know about universities' internal regulations regarding foreign exams such as '0' levels. As for SAT's, average scores don't do it for universities like Boston U or NYU. They will do it if one has special talents.
> I'm not clear about this question. Putting me in a white room wouldn't matter. > It doesn't pertain to IT in any way.
First of all, let's get it clear that the universe has everything to do with *it*. We shall resume the thought experiment. For now, he'll finish answering your questions.
> not sure if you understand my so-called obsession with this family thingy. Do > you?
It's all about the antithesis of the iceview. He knows what it's about.
> Am I supposed to ask you why you chose IV instead of ending with tau?
You don't have to if you don't want to.
>Now I stopped writing to you because (1) you didn't want to tell me what >*it* was and (2) you didn't want to see me,
Rubbish! I specifically told you the dates I could and could not meet you. Did I in any way imply that I didn't want to see you?! Don't twist my words, Inktar.
Fortunately, everything in e-mail is recorded, so there is no question about what someone said or didn't say.
> And you > have not answered my question about why you've been touting the iceview as a > religion?
Disproof:
I saw the student's profile, and I clicked on yours. You were touting the iceview as a religion now?
quod erat demonstrandum
> can't find it. I think I found it so offending, I trashed it. Anyway, what THE > HELL was it all about?
It's all about the universe, Vyna.
> What's your problem, Inktar?
He is still not sure whether you actually liked that mail or not.
> What was that again about > your impressive penis that I'll get to see one day?!
You shouldn't be so confident about that for he is not as loose as you are. Just examine your response to that last e-mail he sent you. You sound pretty attracted by the whole thing, which seems to confirm his suspicion that you are a very promiscuous person.
In fact, you don't get angry at all, which you are trying to fake right now in order to pretend to be a very conservative person, which is valued in the East (you can't pretend it's not because he knows...). Your fake conservativism is what leads you to fake anger at people. That you admit that you are accepting of the modern Western trend is a clear admission that you are indeed a very loose person, even though he knows you denied it.
This denial is most interesting because it contradicts everything else you are saying. If you would at least admit this part about yourself, he would hold you in higher regard.
> I didn't deserve that > crappy mail, you know I didn't.
If it wasn't for his inexperience he would have seen right away just how loose you are and acted more piously to make you more self-aware. As for not deserving that mail, he sees no reason to either confirm or reject that claim.
> If I don't like cybersex, does it make me a > bitch? Duh?!
Actually, he hasn't quite come across this particular type of logic before. According to his knowledge, if you *do* like cybersex, *then* it makes you a bitch, not the other way around.
> got a little wiser. *rolls here eyes* Guys are all the same, the difference is > how they manage to hold it back. Am I right?
This heuristic is effective for dealing with practical situations.
A more generalized and powerful heuristic is that guys will give you whatever appeals to you. What you hear from them (in general) is a reflection of what appeals to you.
You may be surprised then, why he even bothers writing you considering what he thinks of you. However, he does not have such a shallow view of human beings in general. There is something more fundamental than the instant gratification (which is promiscuity) or the parental love you did not receive that you desire to acquire. This is *it*. *It* is the drive to achieve an intangible something and can manifest itself in different forms in different individuals. *It* is ultimately the only thing that matters and upon which all else is subsidiary. Finally, *it* can only be found in the universe.
This being the case, he asks you once again to place yourself in the white sperical room, 10m in diameter, with nothing but a hole big enough for you to fit through at the ceiling. This is universe.
IV
Sun Mar 9 07:37:43 1997
Message-Id: <199703091428.WAA07774@mallow.singnet.com.sg>
To: clutz@pacific.net.sg, s0800006@singnet.com.sg, ra031072@mbox2.singnet.com.sg, por95008po.pacific.net.sg@mallow.singnet.com.sg, s0800004@singnet.com.sg, shakir@mbox2.singnet.com.sg, ramlan@pacific.net.sg, mat000@hotmail.com, jereko@singnet.com.sg, renton@pacific.net.sg, jgozali@mbox2.singnet.com.sg, jngsl@hotmail.com, tarwad@pacific.net.sg, weekee@mbox2.singnet.com.sg, mariaa@mbox2.singnet.com.sg, inktar@engr.arizona.edu, mirtha@post1.com
Subject: Jokes to share...
Cc: nigel@sdd.samsung.co.kr, s8313363@pacific.net.sg, gila@pc-oznet.com.au, prisw@hotmail.com, ldrad@pacific.net.sg, hangtuah@cyberway.com.sg, Ramirez@courier4.aero.org, salleh@pacific.net.sg, vthao@mtu.edu, erffian@po.pacific.net.sg, yani@po.pacific.net.sg, duchess@cyberway.com.sg, yvonney@hotmail.com
Jokes to share....
In a certain suburban neighborhood, there were two brothers, 8 and 10 years old, who were exceedingly mischievous. Whatever went wrong in the neighborhood, it turned out they had had a hand in it. Their parents were at their wits' end trying to control them. Hearing about a priest nearby who worked with delinquent boys, the mother suggested to the father that they ask the priest to talk with the boys. The father replied, "Sure, do that before I kill them!"
The mother went to the priest and made her request. He agreed, but said he wanted to see the younger boy first and alone. So the mother sent him to the priest.
The priest sat the boy down across a huge, impressive desk he sat behind. For about five minutes they just sat and stared at each other. Finally, the priest pointed his forefinger at the boy and asked, "Where is God?"
The boy looked under the desk, in the corners of the room, all around, but said nothing.
Again, louder, the priest pointed at the boy and asked, "Where is God?"
Again the boy looked all around but said nothing. A third time, in a louder, firmer voice, the priest leaned far across the desk and put his forefinger almost to the boy's nose, and asked, "Where is God?"
The boy panicked and ran all the way home. Finding his older brother, he dragged him upstairs to their room and into the closet, where they usually plotted their mischief. He finally said, "We are in BIIIIG trouble."
The older boy asked, "What do you mean, BIIIIG trouble?"
His brother replied, "God is missing and they think we did it." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A funny (true) story:
An employee for USAir, who happened to have the last name of Gay, got on a plane recently using one of his company's "Free Flight" programs. However, when Mr. Gay tried to take his seat, he found it being occupied by a paying passenger. So, not to make a fuss, he simply chose another seat nearby.
Unknown to Mr. Gay, another USAir flight at the airport experienced mechanical problems. The passengers of this other flight were being rerouted to various airplanes. A few were put on Mr. Gay's flight and anyone who was holding a "free" ticket was being "bumped."
Airline officials, armed with a list of these "freebie" ticket holders boarded the plane to remove the free ticket holders. Of course, our Mr. Gay was not sitting in his assigned seat as you may remember. So when the Ticket Agent approached the seat where Mr. Gay was supposed to be sitting, she asked a startled customer "Are you Gay?". The man shyly nodded that he was, at which point she demanded: "Then you have to get off the plane."
Our Mr. Gay, overhearing what the Ticket Agent had said, tried to clear up the situation: "You've got the wrong man. I'm Gay!". This caused an angry third passenger to yell "Hell, I'm gay too! They can't kick us all off!"
Confusion reined as more and more passengers began yelling that USAir had no right to remove gays from their flights.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A fellow is going on a tour of a factory that produces various latex products.
At the first stop, he's shown the machine that manufactures baby-bottle nipples. The machine makes a loud hiss-pop noise. "The hiss is the rubber being injected into the mold," explains the guide. "The popping sound is a needle poking a hole in the end of the nipple."
Later, the tour reaches the part of the factory where condoms are manufactured. The machine makes a noise: 'Hiss. Hiss. Hiss. Hiss-pop"
"Wait a minute" says the man taking the tour. "I understand what the 'hiss, hiss,' is, but what's that 'pop' every so often?"
"Oh, it's just the same as in the baby-bottle nipple machine," says the guide. "It pokes a hole in every fourth condom."
"Well, that can't be good for the condoms"
"Yeah, but it's great for the baby-bottle nipple business"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three men were struck on an island. An American, a British and a German. They were rummaging around the island when they found an old dirty lamp.
The American rubbed it gently and a genie popped out. The genie thanked the men for releasing him after 5000 years and promised them 3 wishes, 1 wish for each man.
So the American went first. He said," I miss my wife..I wish I was back in California with my lovely wife." With that he disappeared, back to America.
Then the British said ," I miss my car, I wish I was back in London driving my car down West minister Road." With that he disappeared, back to Britain.
Then the German looked at the genie and sighed, " Well, I'm feeling pretty lonely here, I wish to those 2 guys were back here with me again"
~POOF~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket. If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home. So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his driver's license number, his address, etc. but to no avail.
The cabbie said (adopt appropriate dialect), "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!" So the businessman was forced to hitch-hike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.
One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport. Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck. The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan. The businessman got in the first cab in the line, "How much for a ride to the airport?" he asked. "Fifteen bucks," came the reply. "And how much for you to give me a blowjob on the way?"
"What?! Get the hell out of my cab."
The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result.
When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked, "How much for a ride to the airport?" The cabbie replied, "Fifteen bucks." The businessman said, "OK," and off they went. Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs the businessman gave a big smile and a thumbs up sign to each driver...
> THIS IS A MESSAGE IN 'MIME' FORMAT. Your mail reader does not support MIME. > Some parts of this will be readable as plain text. > To see the rest, you will need to upgrade your mail reader.
Hey guys...
This one is interesting...try it, and see how accurate it is. If you can't open the file, then:
1)Click on Start on your taskbar 2)Click on Find, then click on Files or Folders 3)Type colortst in the space and click on Find 4)Once the file is found, then open up the file by highlighting it, then clicking it twice
Note: courtesy of Afri *wink*
Have fun!!
--%-@
Vyna
That being Vyna's response, INktar now declares enc.
-Date: Tue, 11 Mar 1997 19:14:03 -0700 (MST)
Subject: enc
Informally, INKTAR hereby declares enc, explicit non-communication, on you until 1998.
No further mails were sent.